Happy (?) New Year

Everybody's happy. I think. LOL! Everybody's celebrating because of this holiday we call New Year. Well me? Psh! I just want to sleep this off if I could. But I can't because its too noisy!

I want to be happy. I really do. I want to be happy and welcome 2014 with a smile. BUT I CAN'T! I miss my grandmother so much. This is the first new year without her. And it hurts so much that I can't help to not cry. After we attended mass I just went upstairs and busied myself. I tried reading. Failed. I tried playing games on my tablet. Failed. I tried listening to BYE's songs. Worked a bit. I tried listening to Super Junior songs and the speaker was on full blast. It also worked a bit. I tried doing these things that usually make me happy or lighten up my mood but it didn't. Nothing made me happy. Nothing lightened up my mood.

I just want to cry. I've been missing my grandmother so much since my birthday. All my life she has been there for my birthday and now she's not. A month after my birthday, her birthday came. We celebrated her birthday at the cemetery. Well, not really celebrated because I know that behind the smiles of each member of our family, we're hurting. This is also the first Christmas without her. We just attended mass and after that I slept literally the entire day just so that I could escape from this feeling. And now here comes New Year. I wanted to do the same thing I did last Christmas but it's impossible.

I was willing to spend my birthday, her birthday, Christmas, and New Year inside a hospital room just to be with her. And it's a big thing for me. Not many people know that I'm afraid of hospitals. I cringe even looking at one. AND I WAS WILLING TO SPEND THOSE OCASSIONS IN A HOSPITAL ROOM TO BE WITH HER. Gah! I miss you so much, Nanay. I just wish you were here and I won't care if we were in a hospital room as long as you are here. Alive.

Ah, the tears are coming again. Oh wait, they never left didn't they? :)

I WISH EVERYONE A HAPPY NEW YEAR. I REALLY DO! :)

Uncertain

Natatakot ako sa future ko....sa mangyayari bukas. Hindi ko alam kung anong mangyayari. Lahat gusto ko naka-plano. Para handa ako sa magiging outcome. Pero eto....ugh! Ang hirap manghula. LOL! Nakakainis na nakaka-frustrate. Malapit na akong mawalan ng trabaho. Okay lang naman un sa'kin eh. Makakapagpahinga ulit ako. But the question is kung okay lang din ba un sa mga magulang ko? Lagi nalang akong nape-pressure. Specially si Mama. Lagi niya akong pinupush. Masyado silang nag-e-expect sa'kin. Nakakapagod kaya na i-please sila. Hindi na ako ito. Hindi ko na kilala sarili ko. Robot na ata tingin nila sa'kin eh. Galing sa trabaho...2 days na nga lang ang rest day --na minsan ay nagiging isang araw nalang-- tapos kung ano ano pang iniuutos sa'kin na kaya naman nilang gawin. Hello?! I deserve a break! Don't I? -_- Tapos kasalanan ko pa kung di ko magagawa ung pinagagawa nila? Bullshit! Nakakapagod! Okay so nag-rant nanaman ako -_-

Marami silang pinaplano para sa'kin. Sila meaning my family. Alam ko gusto nila ung best para sa'kin pero naman! Bakit ako nalang palagi? Bakit feeling ko ayaw nila akong tulungan? Ako ung pinag-uusapan...ung future ko...pero bakit hindi ako kasali sa usapan? Bakit hindi ako kasali sa paggawa ng desisyon? WALA BA AKONG KARAPATAN SA BUHAY KO?! Etong trabaho ko...sa totoo lang after graduation ayaw ko pa sanang mag-trabaho. Pero since lahat nalang sila ine-expect akong magka-trabaho...pinu-push akong mag-trabaho eto ang resulta...nagka-trabaho ako. Gusto  ko naman ung work ko eh...minsan. LOL!

Nag-decide sila na ipadala ako sa Canada. Nag-usap-usap sila without my knowledge. Ayaw ko dun dahil feeling ko ipapatapon nila ako dun. LOL! Strict pa naman ung mga Tita ko na nadun. Shit! Ayoko nun! Ayoko ng ganun! Ayoko dun! Pumayag na nga ako na ipadala nila ako sa Dubai tapos ngayon Canada naman. Taena! Tama na! Wuuu! Tapos pakukuhanin pa ako ng course na ayaw ko para daw maging "ticket" ko un papuntang Canada. Nakaka-sawang sumunod nang sumunod. Nakakasawang maging robot. Ayaw ko na. Nakaka-pagod.

Errr. Ewan. Magsaksak nalang kaya ako? :)) Ah, sana Sabado nalang ulit! Eksayted na meeee :)) Bipolar much? LOL! Walang ka-kwenta-kwenta itong post na ito. XD

Isang Kadramahan

There's always a first for something right? Itong first na tinutukoy ko dito ay ang first time na pupunta kami (errr sila lang pala since may pasok ako sa work) sa sementeryo para dalawin si Nanay. *sighs*

Everyday, I wish that this was all just a dream...a nightmare. Na sana buhay pa siya at nag-aantay na dalawin namin siya sa ospital (YES! Damn it! Pupunta ako sa ospital if that would mean that she will still live).

Ah shit! Ang dami kong gustong sabihin dito sa blog pero ayoko nang pahabain kasi iiyak nanaman ako ng wagas -_-

Hi! Nanay, I miss you. So much. I wish I could hug you right now. Kahit sa panaginip lang, 'Nay. Gustong-gusto kong natutulog palagi kasi dun buhay ka. Kasi dun nakaka-usap kita. Kahit na panay ngiti at pagtango lang ung ginagawa mo kapag nag-uusap tayo. At least diba dun buhay ka? I'm trying, 'Nay. I really am. I'm trying not to cry and be strong para sa kanila tulad ng sinabi mo sa'kin. Pero hindi ko kaya eh. Hindi ko pa kaya. Hanggang dito nalang muna ulit ha? I love you, Nanay! :*

*cries hard*

Forty Days

Today is my grandmother's 40th day of being gone. My family went to Manila last Sunday to visit her and they ate dinner together. As in my WHOLE FAMILY was there. Except for me though. I wanted to spend this 40th day of her alone. I wanted to be alone. I don't want to pretend in front of my family that I'm not hurting. Because I am. So much. I just miss you so much, Nanay. Tsaka ang dami kong gustong sabihin at i-kwento sa'yo. This blog post is for you, Nay :)

Nanay,

For starters, alam mo ba, Nay, nag-OT ulit ako. Kasi ayokong umuwi agad sa bahay  kasi iiyak nga lang ako. Everytime I remember you, at first I smile, pero habang tumatagal napapaiyak nalang ako. I wish you were here. Still alive. Ni hindi mo man lang makikita ung grad pic ko. Hindi ko man lang makikita ung reaction mo pag nakita mo un. Kukuhanin ko palang siya sa school sa Friday. At gusto ko ikaw ang unang makakakita nun. Pero pa'no? You're not here anymore. T__T

Third birthday na ni Dahlia. Excited ka pa naman na i-celebrate un diba? Lagi ka nalang tuwang-tuwa pag magbi-birthday na siya. Hinahanap ka niya palagi. Tapos pag tinatanong ko siya kung nasaan ka, ang isasagot niya sa'kin, "Andun. Sa Manila." Ang kulit-kulit na niya. At sobrang daldal. :)

Hmmmm. Ano pa ba? Ayokong masyadong pahabain 'to. Magiging rant lang 'to eh. Pero, Nay, I miss you so much. And I love you. Visit me in my dreams ONLY okay? :) Please look after Tatay. Wala naman ako palagi sa tabi niya eh. I'll see you soon, Nay! (Pag natutunan ko nang pumunta mag-isa sa kinaroroonan mo :p)

See You Again

Surprise! Surprise! She's leaving. T__T

I thought this was going to be a normal day at work. But surprise of all surprises, one of my co-workers whom I actually got close with, resigned. She resigned just this afternoon. Turns out she's going abroad. Parang bombang pinasabog sa mukha ko nung nalaman ko 'to. I found out about it accidentally. Kasi tumabi siya sakin tapos ung resignation letter niya ay pinatong niya sa table ng nakatupi, eh bumukas. Nabasa ko. Ayun. Muntik na akong ngumawa sa workplace namin. Srsly, I was on the verge of crying hard.

This blog post will be for her. For a workmate who turned out to be a dear friend. Ate Kathy, Miss AOI, this one's for you. :)

MARIA KATRINA! (Hahahaha! Peace, ate Kathy! :P)

First of all, I would like to say, "Sorry!"...sorry kasi di namin napagbigyan ung wish mo na mag-bonding tayong lahat. Sorry kasi di ko napagbigyan ung wish mo na mag-date tayo. Sorry, ate. :( After the sorry's. Thank you's naman. There's a lot of things I want to thank you for. Thank you...for teaching me how to put the units in the box and also how to make boxes *grins*...For teaching me how to operate the AOI...For listening to my never-ending, nonsense rants...For being there when no one wants to talk to me because of my topak...For everything, ate Kathy, there's so much more I want to thank you for, pero super haba na. To cut it short. THANK YOU, FOR EVERYTHING, FOR BEING A PART OF MY LIFE. :)

Remember our "first date," ate Kathy? I ordered McDo, you ordered Jollibee. We ate at Jollibee. Ang gulo diba? HAHAHAHA! :p Then our "second date," we both ate at Jollibee this time :D Thank you for those wonderful memories you shared with me. Thank you for spending time with me :)

Kanina, nung nagpaalam ka sa'kin...nung niyakap mo na ako...nung paalis ka...hindi na kita hinatid ng tingin at di na din kita hinatid palabas. Wanna know why? It's not because I didn't care that you were leaving. It's because tears are starting to well up in my eyes and I don't want you to see me cry. I don't want you to remember my crying face. I wanted you to remember my happy face :) Nung umalis ka na...that's when I started to cry. Imagine, nag-go-go-no-goes (as you like to call it :p) ako habang umiiyak. Buti di natuluan ng luha ung units kundi lagot ako kay Tey. HAHAHAHA!

Sinong mag-aakala na nung Tuesday na pala ung last chikahan natin. Kanina sa shuttle hinahanap kita bago ako pumasok eh. Hinanap din kita kay kuya Mel. Sabi niya nga nag-commute ka lang pero papasok ka. So nakampante ako. Nagpa-plano na nga ako na aayain kitang mag-kape sa break eh. Tapos...tapos....ugh! -_-

I'm not really good at goodbye's, ate Kathy. And I know this is not gonna be goodbye for us. Right? We'll still keep in touch right? I hope we will. I'll sure miss you, ate. Ngayon palang nami-miss na kita. Everyday at work won't ever be the same without you again. Every first break I'll eat alone...well not totally alone dahil andun naman sila Kute, but, it's different when you're there. *sighs* This is gonna be hard. You won't forget this crybaby right? :)

Mag-iingat ka dun okay? Wag mo silang masyadong uubuhan. HAHAHAHAHA! Mami-miss ko yang pag-ubo-ubo mo na yan. Magbaon ka ng gamot. Ung petroleum jelly mo wag mong kakalimutan. Ung chocolates ko wag mong kakalimutang ipadala. HAHAHAHAHA! But seriously, ate Kathy, mag-iingat ka dun. Keep in touch. I miss you already. I love you, Miss AOI. You take care okay? :) I wont say goodbye. Instead, I'll say, "See you again!" :D 

signed: Miss Functional ;)

Parting Time

Pardon na taytol. Ang corny! Ahahahaha! Bukod sa wala akong maisip ay wala akong maisip. Chos! Bastaaaaa~

It's Thursday. At bigla akong napaluwas kasi nag-request ang isang bading na elyen. Since malakas siya sakin (naks!) pinagbigyan ko na. Baka umiyak eh. Dejoke! HAHAHAHA! :p

THURSDATE!:

Maaga akong nagising...mga 8am. Pero sabi niya tanghali na daw un kasi 6am palang gising na siya. Okaaaay! Barado ako dun. Paagahan ba naman ng gising eh. Pinagluto ako ni Mama ng almusal kasi alam niyang di ako tatanggi. -_- After that, nag-online saglit. Kumain. Naligo. Nagbihis. (iisa-isahin ko talaga?) Ahahahaha! Mga past 10 na din ako nakasakay ng bus, almost 11 pa nga ata eh. Naulan pa ng malakas. Buseeeet! Ang usapan 12pm kami magkikita. Nasa bus pa ako ng ganyang oras. Kala ko late nanaman ako. Pero surprise-surprise! Mas late siya sakin. Consistent siya sa pagiging late :D

Nag-lunch kami. Inutusan ko siyang um-order. Tatanggi pa sana. Eh binanatan ko ng, "Late ka naman eh." HAHAHAHAHA! Sooooo~ ang ending...siya ang um-order. Speaking...walang pikshur nung blue ice cream! -_- Kaka-order niya lang, nadala na nga niya ung foods sa table namin eh. Tapos biglang tumayo. Kala ko iiwan na ako. Kukuha lang pala ng gravy. Pag balik niya....HAHAHAHAHA! Ung gravy parang tinubuan ng kanin. Ginawa niyang sabaw ung gravy! XD

After that, balik kami sa PPC para bayaran ung kaisa-isang pocketbook na binili ko. (Na hinagis-hagis niya -_-) Kwentuhan. Inantok. Pumanhik sa taas para sa warranty ng headset. Walang napala. Bumaba. Pumuntang Bear Cuddler. Naging instant Ninang ako. May pinuntahan pa kaming store nakalimutan ko ung pangalan. Balik ulit sa PPC dahil magsusulat DAW siya. Tch! Magsusulat eh nagfe-facebook?! Nagtu-Twitter?! Sauce! Kfine. Pagbigyan. Hindi niya pa ako pinapansin kasi nga magsusulat daw siya. Pinaluwas-luwas ako tapos ganun lang? Aray. A-R-A-Y! -_- (ang arte na. LOL!) Ang totoo inantay lang talaga namin si "Delah" bago kami umuwi :3 Kasi daw kailangan maaga siyang makauwi. :D

Usually, pag galing kami sa SMSL eh magkaibang ways ung tinatahak (WTH? Tinatahak? HAHAHAHA!) namin. Ako sa left, siya sa right. Eh nag-request ako na baka pwedeng sumama muna siya sakin tutal may sakayan din naman ng jeep papunta dun sa kanila. Buti pumayag. Ahahahaha! Lakad kami. And the dreaded parting started T__T

Buti nalang may katagalan dumating ung jeep na sasakyan niya. Ahahaha! Natutuwa ako. Edi nag-hug kami (YUCK!) nang mahigpit. After that, tinitigan ko siya. Di niya alam tinititigan ko siya. Teary-eyed siya. Paiyak na din ako nun. Bakit? Kasi nga ayoko ng umaalis at may naiiwan -_- Ewan ko kung bakit teary-eyed siya. Baka namalikmata lang ako. Di naman yan aamin kahit anong gawin ko eh. Anyway, bago siya sumakay ng jeep, niyakap ko ulit siya. Mehehehe. Mami-miss ko nanaman siya eh. *coughs* Kahit na ung request kong letter ay di parin niya binibigay *coughs*

Lakas trip ka din eh 'no? Hinack mo ung Facebook ko para mag-post ng kamiserablehan ko. -_-

So...to this elyen named, Nikka Bianca. Hi ate! Sabi sa'yo iba-blog ko 'to eh. Kill me now. Gooooo~ HAHAHAHAHA! HAHAHAHAHA! HAHAHAHA! Next Friday naman? :D Ung letter ko pleaseeeee~ Nag-enjoy naman talaga ako kanina. Hindi sarcastic 'to. Nakakainis. Ayaw mong maniwala. Peste ka! :| Nagtatampo ako! Padalahan mo ako ng blue ice cream. Now na. Ahahahaha! Thank you for spending the day with me. THANK YOU! I love you, ate Nikka! :* See you soon 'kay?

P.S. Naalala mo pala ung DLGR? HAHAHAHA! HAHAHAHAHA! HAHAHAHAHA! :p

signed: Majh McDonough :)

She's Back

The smiling face is gone now.

She grew tired of all the drama. She grew tired of all the bull crap that is happening. She's just tired. Of pleasing people. Of exerting effort that's never been appreciated. Bummer! -_-

The smiling face has been replaced by an emotionless face. *sighs*

She doesn't know if this is gonna be a good thing or a bad thing. All she wants is to rest. To limit people who she interacts with.To limit the hurt she receives. People (who doesn't know who she REALLY is) say she's suplada...mataray...snob. What people don't know is she's staying away from them because she doesn't want to be close to them.

She's gonna be invisible once again.

"The less people in your life, the less pain you will feel."

Big Mistake

I made a mistake. Bigtime. And I can't take back what I did. I don't know how to fix it. Masyadong mataas ang pride ko.

Our friendship is falling apart. I don't know if I can still fix it, if we can still fix it. Lagi nalang ganun. Lagi nalang ganito. Sa totoo lang napapagod na ako. I'm tired of understanding...tired of everything. I can't give them up. Not ever. Maybe I just have to stay away from them again. No matter how hard it is. No matter how miserable my life would be without them.

I have to admit, I'm partly at fault. Heck! They could put all the blame on me and I wouldn't care a bit. I just want to see them happy. I want to protect them from the hurt this cruel world brings to their lives. I love them so much but I think they don't appreciate it. They don't see it. And it hurts like hell when you put so much effort but nobody appreciates it. 

I can't undo what I've done. I'm tired. We had a misunderstanding. It's my fault. Again. I don't feel like she cares. Feeling ko naalala lang niya ako pag may kailangan siya. Can you blame me for thinking that way? Nung tinanong ko siya about sa lovelife niya ni hindi man lang niya ako pinansin. Then I said, "fine. Okay lang yan. Baka humahanap lang siya ng tiyempo." Then all of a sudden she calls me. I didn't answer. Then I posted something and it all blew up like hell. Now she's mad at me. I'm mad at her. Hell! It sucks. This feeling sucks. I feel like crying but I'm tired of crying. But I cried. LOL! Sinong redundant? -_- ENOUGH!

*Sighs* My head hurts like hell. I have swollen eyes. And I need to go to work. Now. Distraction. Yes. I need that. I think. 

Kapag Inatake Ng Topak

Wala akong maisip na title. Promise! -_- Ahhh! Okay. Nitong mga nakaraang araw, gusto ko lang palaging mag-isa. Madalas tamad na tamad akong makipag-usap sa mga tao. Piling-pili lang talaga ung mga taong kinakausap ko ng sobrang haba. So un. Kanina, nagpunta ako sa isang event na madaming tao. Sa MIBF. Awkward. Mukhang tanga. Nakaka-inis. Ahahahaha! Kasi naman gusto kong mapag-isa tapos pupunta ako sa event na madaming tao. Aish! -_- Dalawang dahilan kung bakit ako nagpunta sa event na un, una, dahil gusto kong makita at makasama ulit ang mga kaibigan kong maiingay at makukulit, ang tagal ko na kasi silang hindi nakikita at nami-miss ko na sila ng bonggang-bongga! Tuwing kasama ko kasi 'tong mga 'to lagi akong nakatawa, laging masaya, good vibes. Di ko na sila papangalanan kasi...baka paslangin nila ako. LOL! Kilala niyo naman kung sino-sino kayo diba? :p Pangalawa, dahil gusto kong malunod sa mga libro. Ahahahaha! Hindi lang po talaga halata pero mahilig ako sa mga libro. Tamad nga lang akong magbasa...minsan. :3 Pero hindi naman talaga yan ang dahilan kung bakit ako nag-blog. LOL!

Ang sama na talaga ng pakiramdam ko nung pauwi na. Inaatake nanaman kasi ako ng pesteng hika na 'to -_- Sa bus, nasususka na talaga ako at ang sakit-sakit ng ulo ko pero hindi ako makatulog. Sinubukan kong matulog kahit saglit pero ayaw talaga. So tinext ko si Mama at inutusan ko siyang tumawag sa trabaho kasi di nga ako makakapasok, dahil sa sama ng pakiramdam at male-late din ako kasi nga traffic. Un na nga, sa SM ako bumaba para magpalamig dahil lalong lalala ang hika ko kapag sobrang init. Umupo ako sa may food court bilang wala namang masyadong tao. Tapos nung medyo kumalma na ung paghinga at pag-ubo ko, nagpunta ako sa Precious Pages at bumili ng pocketbooks. Ulit. LOL! Nakipagdaldalan ng konti kay ateng cashier na makulit. At umuwi na.

Nung malapit na ako sa exit ng SM, nag-decide ako na maglakad nalang simula SM hanggang sakayan ng tricyle papunta samin. Wala lang. Trip lang. Inatake nanaman ako ng topak eh. Habang naglalakad ako pauwi, madami akong bagay na naisip. Ang sarap pala sa feeling ng maglakad ng mag-isa. Magmuni-muni. Ung malamig na simoy ng hangin nakakapagpakalma. Kahit na may mga dumaraang maiingay na sasakyan, keri lang. Gusto kong ulitin un. Gusto ko ulit maglakad. Ung mas malayo naman. Kahit di masyadong tahimik basta medyo malamig. (sa sementeryo kaya? LOL! Joke lang.) I found peace. Kahit saglit lang. Peace. Ang sarap sa pakiramdam.

Ahhh! Gutom lang siguro 'to *halungkat sa bag* Uuyyy! Lollipop! Nomnom. Good night. All in all, I had a wonderful day. My friends never fail to make me happy. I love you, girls. Next time ulit. May manlilibre na. Damang-dama ko. LOL! <3

I Can't Let Go

Simula nung nawala si Nanay, pinigilan kong mag-sulat ng blog post about her. Ayokong umiyak habang gumagawa ng blog post. Pero ngayon, last night specifically, I dreamed of her. For the first time after she left us, she visited me in my dreams.

In my dreams, nasa bahay kami nun ng pinsan ko, sa Manila, nakahiga siya sa couch sa sala tapos napapalibutan siya ng mga kamag-anak namin...ng mga tita ko, pinsan, pamangkin, at ng lolo ko, wala dun sila Mama at Papa pati kapatid ko wala din. Tapos ako naka-upo sa hagdan. I was crying non-stop. Naka-tingin lang ako sa kanila, pinapanood silang lahat. Lahat sila malungkot. Tapos nilalapitan ako nung iba kong pamangkin, when all I wanted was to be alone and cry alone. Ang kulit-kulit nilang lahat, nasigawan ko pa nga sila kasi di nila maintindihan na gusto kong mapag-isa, na ayokong pakielamanan nila ako. Mayamaya, tumayo si Nanay, na-shock kaming lahat kasi hinang-hina na siya nun. Tumayo siya, lumapit siya sakin. Niyakap ko siya, and I said, "Sorry sa lahat-lahat. I love you, 'Nay." Nginitian niya ako, ah, her weak smile, then she said, "You just said you love me." Shocked ung expression niya. Nagulat din ako kasi nag-english siya. Sinagot ko siya, I said, "Ofcourse I do." Tapos nginitian ko siya. The saddest part was, tumingin siya nun sa itaas, sabi niya, "Kung ganon, pwede na siguro akong magpahinga, pwede na akong umalis." It broke my heart. Kasi for the second time around naisip ko na mawawala nanaman siya sakin...sa amin, that we would lose her all over again. Tinitigan ko siya nun, then I screamed while crying, "NO!" After that, nagising ako nang umiiyak.

Ang sakit-sakit. Hanggang ngayon hindi ko parin matanggap na wala na siya. Everyday umaasa parin ako na panaginip lang ang lahat. Na pag-gising ko anjan lang siya, na buhay parin siya. Pero hindi eh, tuwing gumigising ako at nakakapa ko ung kwintas na binigay niya sakin, napapaiyak nalang ako kasi I know, kahit na gaano ko pa itanggi, I know that she is gone and she will never come back. Not ever. Makikita ko nalang siya sa panaginip ko, makaka-usap ko nalang siya sa panaginip ko...kung dadalawin niya ako dun. Ang sakit, 'Nay. I love you, so much. I miss you, every single day, I miss you.

*cries hard*

On The Way Home

Today is a very special day for a very special "cute elyen" It's her "12th" birthday. According to her. LOL! Sooooo, I went to Manila to meet up with friends. Na-late ako. Sorry naman >.<

We went to St. Pio first to pray. Yeah. Mabait kami eh. Hihihihi. So un nga nagpunta kami sa St. Pio, and after we prayed, and talked to Him, when we were already leaving the place Ate Nikka (the birthday girl) asked me, "Anong pakiramdam mo, Majh? Nag-iba ba pakiramdam mo? Kasi kami tuwing pumupunta kami dito nakakaramdam kami ng peace." And marami pa siyang sinabi pero ayan na ung thought. Medyo. Ata. Nakalimutan ko eh. Basta un na un. I answered: "Okay lang." Ang tipid ko sumagot kasi, well, pinapakiramdaman ko ung sarili ko, and I was busy admiring the place. Super tahimik. When I was there, I felt safe, and I felt peace. Parang ang gaan-gaan ng pakiramdam ko. Parang walang ibang iniisip na problema. I can't really explain the feeling. Pero ang sarap sa pakiramdam. I want to go back there again. But I don't know how, so magpapasama nalang ulit ako sa kanila. LOL!

Our next stop was SM San Lazaro. Kasi hindi naman nakasama lahat sa St. Pio so dun nalang kami nagkita-kitang lahat. It was super fun hanging out with them. Lagi naman eh. Nakakawala ng pagod kapag nakakasama ko itong mga taong 'to. Si Abby, Karen, Ate Nikka, Princess (kahit hindi siya present ngayon. Huhuhuhu) at si Ate Rhoms. Minsan nga, ay hindi...palagi pala, nakakalimutan namin ang oras dahil super bonding talaga ang nangyayari. Hahahahaha! And as always, ever present si McDo sa aming bonding times. :D

Ahh, pero hindi naman talaga un ang ikukwento ko. Introduction palang yan. Ang ikli no? :p Eto na talaga. Ang journey ko pauwi. :3

Nagpapaalamanan na kami nun sa labas ng SM San Lazaro, the usual paalamanan...beso tapos yakap, ganun. Hinuli ko talagang yakapin si birthday girl para may drama. Chos! Pero nakakainis lang kasi naiyak ako. Bakit?!? Kasi habang yakap ko siya, may bigla akong naalala na something. At mababaw din kasi ang luha ko. Kaya ayun naiyak ako ng slight. Nakaka-touch kasi pilit nila akong pinapatawa habang umiiyak ako. Thank you, girls! I love you ng hard! :) <3 Tapos ayun na naka-recover na ako sa pag-iyak, go na sa sakayan ng LRT papunta sa Buendia.

Nakasakay na ako sa LRT at medyo confused na ako kung saan akong station bababa. Kaya nagtanong na ako sa isang pasahero. BTW, natanong ko na pala kay Karen kung saang station ako bababa, nakalimutan ko lang talaga. Eng-eng lang diba? LOL! Habang nakasakay ako sa bus, biglang bumuhos ang napakalakas na ulan at may kulog at kidlat pa. Takot ako sa kidlat kaya napapapikit ako tuwing nakakakita ako nun, nakakatakot talaga pramis! Nung umandar na ung bus, at nakapaningil na ng fare ung konduktor, naisipan kong basahin ung letter na binigay sakin, parang tanga lang kasi napapatawa ako sa bus, siguro iniisip nung mga nakakakita sakin na baliw ako. LOL! Pagkatapos kong basahin ung letter, I decided to read Dark Hunter, si Julian of Macedon and his oh so.....stop it, Majh! HAHAHAHA! Pampalipas oras. Since wala naman akong makita sa labas ng bintana dahil nga maulan at gabi na. Super worth it ang pagbabasa ko kay Julian. Muntik pa nga akong lumampas dahil engrossed na engrossed ako sa pagbabasa ng story niya. Buti nalang ni-remind ako ng konduktor na bababa na ako. Thank you, Kuya! :D

That's all. Thank you. *bows*

Fourteenth

So today is the fourteenth day of the month. Eh ano naman? Wala naman. Gusto ko lang mag-blog. I just want to blog(?) this feeling. This stupid feeling I get every fourteenth day of the month. No, I'm not heartbroken. It's just that....it's our monthsary, my best friends and I. We used to celebrate this then, every month, fourteenth day of the month to be exact, we find time to see each other and catch up on things. It's sort of a "tradition". But now....I don't know anymore. T__T

I think this "tradition" ended when I left them. That's right. I left. Due to certain issues that only time would maybe heal(?) make us forget...make us cool down. Since then I blamed myself for the loss of our friendship. I tried to bring back the friendship. To patch things up. I thought we were okay. But I guess were not. The friendship's lost and I don't know if I could still bring it back. I admit, I already gave up. I already stopped trying to make an effort to see them. To have communication with them. I'm not saying that this is their fault. It's my fault.

Kasalanan ko ito. I can't help not to blame myself. Kasi feeling ko sakin nagsimula ito. Hindi ko maiwasang hindi isipin na kung hindi ako umalis. Na kung hindi ako lumayo sa kanila...ay buo parin ang pagkakaibigan namin, na walang magbabago, at kung meron man ay konting-konti lang and it will be for the better. Akala ko nung nag-usap-usap na kami ay okay na ang lahat. Pero hindi pala. Iba pala ung sinasabi talaga sa ipinapakita. Actions really speak louder than words. Kasi damang-dama ko na may napaka-kapal at napaka-laking invisible wall sa pagitan namin. Masakit. Sobrang sakit. Ung tipong may pinag-uusapan sila at hindi ka nakaka-relate kasi iba ung school na pinasukan mo sa pinasukan nila...ung tina-try mong sumali sa usapan pero sa huli mananahimik ka nalang kasi kahit anong gawin mo hindi ka makaka-relate. Tapos kapag tahimik ka iisipin nila na hindi mo sila gustong kasama. What the eff?!

Kaya minsan nakakawalang-gana na makipag-kita sa kanila eh. Hindi ko na sila maintindihan. It's like the people I used to know were already gone. *sighs* Kaya ayokong nagfo-fourteenth eh. Ganito ung feeling. Magulo. Masakit. Nakakaiyak. Nakaka-frustrate. Nakakapanghinayang. At marami pang iba. Basta I feel negativity. I want to be numb...kahit ngayon lang please? :|

Introducing Me

This blog post is inspired from the song I overheard my brother playing via his cell phone. And from then on, I got hooked into the song. From the melody, lyrics, beats...and everything. I love this song. Here's the chorus part:

If you wanna know, here it goes
Gonna tell you this the part of me that shows
If you're close I'm gonna let you see everything
But remember that you asked for it
I'll try to do my best to impress
But it's easier to let you take a guess at the rest
But you wanna hear what lives in my brain,
My heart, well you asked for it
For you're perusing, at times confusing,
slightly/possibly/hopefully amusing...
INTRODUCING ME.

Who am I? I've been asking that same question countless of times and I still don't know the answer. Okay, maybe I know a little bit of who I really am but it's still not enough. I want to find my place in this world. A place where I belong. A place where I can be myself. A place where I fit in. Somewhere na hindi ko kailangang ipagpilitan ang sarili ko. Where is that place? Does it even exist? And are there people there who are willing to accept me with open arms...flaws and all? *sighs* Wishful thinking again.

To my family, if you ask them to describe me in one word, they would all say that I'm suplada...mataray...moody...snob..etc. To my friends, if you ask them the same question, they would answer you with masayahin...laging nakatawa...bungisngis...etc. You see, both descriptions are true. My attitude are on the extremes. Bipolar ako eh. My family knows me as "mataray," yes, I admit, I am mataray lalo na pag ayaw kong magsalita tapos sila daldal ng daldal. What am I gonna do? Eh sa wala ako sa mood makipag-usap. Kaya nagugulat sila pag nakikita nila akong nakatawa or nakangiti. They would always tease me when that happens. Kasi minsan lang nila ako mabiro so siguro sinasamantala na nila. LOL! Anyways, my friends' descriptions are also true, kaya minsan nagugulat sila pag tahimik ako. They're afraid to talk to me when I'm quiet. Nakakatakot daw kasi ako. Hahahaha! Sa liit kong ito, at sa tangkad ng mga kaibigan ko, sila pa ang natatakot sakin. I asked them why they're afraid of me when I'm quiet. And one of them answered, "Kasi masyado kang seryoso. Iba ung aura mo. Hindi kami sanay na nakikita kang seryoso. Parang hindi bagay sayo. Parang hindi ikaw." And all I could say was, "Aahh" then I smiled.

Mahirap din pala no? It's hard to pretend to be somebody that you're not. Hindi naman talaga ako mataray sa family ko. It's just that, nahihiya lang akong mag-reach out sa kanila. I mean, hindi naman kasi kami super close ng mga cousins ko, and hindi din kasi ako maka-relate sa topics nila age gap siguro, so I chose to just shut up whenever they talk about stuff. At namimis-interpret nila un sa pagiging mataray. That's why most of the times, I prefer to be with my friends specifically my college barkada, kasi sa kanila nakaka-relate ako. I can laugh as loud and as hard as I could and they would laugh with me. I could cry on one of their shoulders and they would cry with me, harder. Hindi man ganun karami ang mga kaibigan ko, at least I know that they are true. And I love every single one of them equally.

Why am I explaining this? LOL! Maybe I just want to have an outlet. I feel so lost. Ngayon lang nangyari ito. And I don't know what to do. I don't know where and who to run to. Because the people who you thought would be there for you when you need them, left...they're out of your reach...or the most painful option is that they don't care about you.

A friend told me this recently, "Kasi may tinatago ka :/ May pinagdadaanan ka. Sinasarili mo lang." I answered her, "Familiar diba? May kilala din akong ganyan eh." I was referring to her with my answer. Cause I know that she is also going through a lot. Much more than what I am going through. What touched me was she is willing to be there for me...to help me, even though she could not help herself. Naiyak ako dun sa thought na handa niya akong damayan. Hindi niya un alam. But when she reads this. I guess she will know. So to my Soldier *winks* I love you. And I'll always be here for you. You know that right? Pero siyempre joke lang 'to. LOL! Fighting, soldier. Okay? Walang susuko :) <3

Goodbye...for now(?)

I tried to stay. I tried to smile and laugh at everything. I TRIED. But, I failed, miserably. *sighs*

"Goodbye means going away. And going away means forgetting." -Unknown

I hate goodbye's. It's a painful word. And I can't see the good in goodbye. Unless of course if you're saying goodbye to a person you dislike.

I'm going away. But I'm not gonna forget everything / anything. I feel lost. I feel alone. Gahd! I want to be numb! Must stop now. I'm just going away. Period.

P.S: I know, this is a selfish rant. Again. Sorry. Can't help it. This is Majh disconnecting from the earth. (Yuck!)

Running Away

So many things are happening right now. Fudge. I don't know how to start this. I've never been good at introduction. Heck! I'll just go straight to the point. My life is a friggin' mess :| And I hate it. The past months I've spent running away from everything, from the problems. Ang lakas ng loob kong payuhan ang isa kong friend na harapin niya ang problema niya at wag takbuhan when I, myself, can't even face my own problems. Damn it! Sa bahay, lagi lang akong tahimik. It's either I watch movies online, read, or sleep. Hindi ako nakikipag-usap masyado sa mga tao dito. Why? I don't even know. Maybe because I feel pressured. I mean, they (my parents) are obligating me to do something that I know I must do. I know my obligations and they don't have to rub it on my face everytime we talk. The pressure is just too much. Even my grandmother assumes things about me. Nakakainis kasi hindi naman ganun. Hindi ko na alam kung saan ako lulugar. Lahat nalang ng ginagawa ko mali. EVERY-FUCKING-THING is wrong. Kuuuuuuu~ -_- Pag wala akong ginawa, mali. Pag may ginawa ako, mali parin. Ano ba talaga? Nakakasawa na. Even my best friend makes me feel that my decisions' wrong. I've been pretending these past few days. Pretending to be happy, pretending that everything's okay, when it is not. Where are you self? I miss you. I miss the girl who's not afraid to face her problems because she knows that everything always has a solution. The bubbly, carefree girl who always laughs and smiles until tears of joy wells in her eyes. Come back please. I badly need you right now. I want to smile again, the true, genuine smile I had. To laugh until my stomach hurts. Maybe she'll come back soon. I hope :)

"I want to be remembered as the girl who always smiles even when her heart is broken and the one that could always brighten up your day even if she couldn't brighten her own." -Unknown (from Tumblr)

Now Playing: Soldier by Before You Exit

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

Gaaaahhh! This is so frustrating. I lost respect for someone whom I looked up to. This certain someone USED to be my idol. But now.......T__T I was so shocked when I found out that that someone could be like that. I cried hard. Yeah. I did. People may think that I'm just overreacting but heck, I don't give a damn. I was hurt by this someone's words...reactions...posts. But I should be thankful, shouldn't I? Cause unlike other people, I was not blind anymore. Not blinded by this someones image. To this someone, hey I exist. LOL! If you or your friends could maybe have the chance to visit my blog, here's my message for you: Thank you for the inspiration you've given me, for making me happy with your works. The thank you list would go on And thank you for showing who you really are. You disappoint the hell out of me. Please stop. Now. Maturity can't really be based on the age of a person. *sighs* My opinion may not matter to you but hell I just want to let this all out. So there.

Talking about respect. I have this group of friends, we talk A LOT about anything. Although we have different opinions about certain issues, we argue, yes, but at the end of the day we're still friends. Why? How come we argue but still continue to be friends? It's because of RESPECT. We respect each other's opinions. We respect each other. Period. I will forever be thankful to this group who welcomed me in their lives. So, to my FRIENDS, you know who you are *winks* thank you for everything. Words and actions are not enough to express how thankful I am for having friends like you. I love you all. Group hug! :) <3 <3 <3

Usapang Pocketbook

Kanina lang 'to nangyari. At hindi ako maka-get-over kay Mama. LOL!

Inaayos ko kasi ung lagayan ko ng pocketbook. Hindi na kasi kasya. At ang iba sa kanila ay nalulukot na dahil sumasabit. Sa drawer ko lang kasi nakalagay ang mga pocketbook. Eh maliit lang un so medyo umaapaw na. -_- And the conversation went like this:

Mama: Alin ba jan ung mga hindi ko pa nababasa?
Me: Hala. Hindi ko alam. Pati ba naman un itatanong mo pa sakin?
Mama: Hindi. Ang ibig kong sabihin ay ung mga bago mong binili na hindi ko pa nababasa.
Me: Wala pa akong bagong nabibili dahil wala nga akong perang pambili.
Mama: *nag-isip* Yung mga binili mo nalang dati na hindi ko pa nababasa. Asan na un?
Me: Mama, hindi ko nga alam kung alin na ang nabasa at hindi mo pa nababasa jan. *tinambak sa harap niya lahat ng pocketbooks* O, ayan, tignan mo nalang kung alin pa ung di mo nababasa.
Mama: *pumipili* Ayusin mo nga yang drawer mo. Ilagay mo nalang kaya sa kahon yang mga pocketbooks mo.
Me: O sige, pahinging kahon.
Mama: Ayusin mo nalang yan jan. Itatapon ko yan.
Me: Edi itapon mo!
Mama: *nakapili na* Eto na lahat.
(Pagkatingin ko, suskopooooo~ kalahati pa ata ng nasa drawer ko ang di niya nababasa. Tapos reklamo ng reklamo na wala na daw siyang babasahin. LOL!)
Me: Ginulo mo nanaman! Aayusin ko nanaman. Tapos magrereklamo ka kapag magulo. Saan ko ilalagay yan? Tsk!
Mama: Ilabas mo nalang jan.
Me: Ayoko! Maalikabukan. (jinojoke ko lang siya)
Mama: Basta ilagay mo lang sa bungad ng drawer mo para alam ko.
Me: Tsk! Inayos ko na nga yan. Sa likod ko ilalagay yan. (Nang-aasar)
Mama: O sige. Sige. Doon mo nalang yan ilagay sa isang cabinet.
Me: *nagningning ang mata* (i swear feeling ko nagningning talaga ang mata ko nung nadinig ko na bibigyan niya ako ng bagong space na paglalagyan ng pocketbooks ko. LOL!) Alisin mo na lahat ng nakalagay dun.
Mama: Bukas na. Magbabasa muna ako.
Me: YES! May bago na akong lalagyan na matino! :D
(At si Mama, ayun, busy na sa pagbabasa ng pocketbook. Mahirap istorbohin 'yan pag nagbabasa. Pag kinausap mo siya habang nagbabasa, after ten tawsan years ka pa niya sasagutin. At kung minsan pag sinuswerte ka, hindi ka talaga niya kakausapin. HAHAHAHAHA!)

Ayun. Nonsense nanaman. Ang gusto ko lang namang sabihin ay may bagong lalagyan na ang pocketbooks ko! Manuhay! Yay! Parteeeeyyyy! <3

Seven years...and counting

This is dedicated to my best friends (kahit hindi nila alam na nag-eexist ito). I miss you girls!

November 14, 2005. 7 years ago...okay turning 8 this year, I met 3 wonderful people who became my best friends. We came from different barkadas and I really don't know how we became friends. Hahahahaha! All I remember was one day we were hanging out with each other and poof! we became koko crunch. Chos! HAHAHAHAHA! Corny! Basta naging magkakaibigan kami simula nung 3rd quarter noong 1st year highschool kami. :p

Those 7 years were not easy for all of us. The first challenge we faced together was the fact that I had to transfer to another school. It was heartbreaking when the time came that I had to tell them that that's going to happen. Tears were everywhere. It was hard explaining everything to them when I, too, cannot understand why my mom wanted me to transfer to another school but we had to accept it. I left them a notebook. I told them to write in that notebook everything that they wanted to tell me when I'm not with them.

2nd year highschool. Everything changed. Another struggle for our friendship. Yes, I made new friends in my new school. Pero hindi parin mapapantayan ng mga new friends na un ung nabuong friendship naming apat. Pansin ko lang, kanina pa ako sabi ng sabi about sa friends ko, pero hindi ko pa naman sinasabi kung sino sila. LOL! Okaaaaay. My best friends are Issah, Kaysen, and Rosalie. Issah and Kaysen remained classmates up until 4th year, while Rosalie was transferred to another section. But still, they were together in one school so there's still something to thank about. LOL! Hmmmm. Sa tingin ko, once ko lang sila nadalaw sa loob ng taong ito T__T

3rd year highschool. Never ko ata silang nadalaw nito. Grabeeeee. I can't even remember if we ever had communication at all this year. *thinking*

4th year highschool. Ahhh. Still can't remember anything...Gahd! >.< But I think we had communication this year, kasi we were talking about what school to enroll in together and what course we would take. We even had this usapan that the four of us will take different engineering courses so we would be business partners. See? We dreamed together. Hihihihihi. And we are still dreaming together. Different dreams this time. Still together :)

College. I was already enrolled in a school, university, college or whatever--where Rosalie was enrolled too, we had the same course-- when I learned that I got accepted in PUP. So we backed out of the school, and enrolled in PUP--where Kaysen was enrolled--. Although Kaysen and I were in the same university, we barely see each other because we had different schedules. We had a gap. It was completely my fault. And I'm really sorry about this. I took them for granted. I always made promises that I couldn't keep. I hurt them, badly. Every time I remember everything I did to them...to our friendship, guilt eats me alive. T__T  *sigh* But it made us stronger. Time passed, we had another gap. It was because we had this issue about one of my friend's boyfriend. Being the selfish me, I made her choose. I know, that was bad. But I wanted to protect her from the pain that the guy was causing her...sadly, she chose the guy over me...over my friends. I stayed away from them. Cut every communication we had for 2 years, I think. Told them that I would come back when I accept the guy's presence in her life. I came back, texted her first--BUT, I still don't like the guy for her--imagine my surprise when she accepted me again as if nothing happened. I cried that day. And she doesn't know it. Everything was back to normal. Well, we'll never be normal when were together soooo.... HAHAHAHAHA!

And now, I miss them. It's been 3 months since we last saw each other. And we had a bet. A fvcking bet...and I think I'm gonna loose. Waaaaa~ I hope not! :D

Here's our picture the 3 months ago...it was Kaysen's birthday
                                 
                                                      Me, Kaysen, Issah, and Rosalie

Never Thought...

Nausuhan ng Blog. Pasensiya naman. 3rd blog post. Weeeee~ :3

eto nanaman tayo sa title. Never thought. Hindi ko inakala. Tinagalog lang. LOL! Wala eh...i just never thought that this would happen, and until now, I feel like its all a dream. Well, if it is, I don't want to wake up from this dream.

After PHR's Grand Fans Day, I had the chance to meet up with friends at SM Manila and SM San Lazaro. They are Karen, Abby, ate Nikka and ate Rhoms. It was a funny(?) story, I think, kung bakit kami nag-meet na lima. Here it goes. Before GFD, kilala ko na talaga sila, lalo na si Karen, kasi lagi kaming nagbu-bully-han sa PM sa FB, so ayun nga, usap-usap kami sa PM, we had everything planned pero may mga bagay lang talaga na hindi pwedeng masunod (drama!) LOL! Kaya hindi natuloy ung plano. What was the plan? Well, un lang naman ay ang i-bully nila (Karen and Abby) ako sa personal. Chos! Ang totoo niyan, magchichikahan lang talaga kami. ;) Since hindi nga natuloy un, due to certain circumstances, SHATTERED DREAMS, nagkita-kita ulit kami. Si Karen kasi eh. LOL!

Karen and I were talking, sa PM nga. Tapos, parehas pa kaming naka-mobile, so nakaka-tamad mag-type ng mag-type, sinabi ko un sa kanya, and guess what?! Ganon din pala nararamdaman niya...na nakaka-tamad at nakaka-pagod mag-type ng mag-type. Eh ang dami naming pinag-uusapan nun na kung ano-ano...kaya jinoke ko siya, sabi ko, "tara sa SM North!" Magkikita nga kami para mag-chikahan. She took it seriously, ata...ewan, basta pinatulan niya eh. LOL! She asked, "Andito ka pa ba sa Manila? Kung andito ka pa, pwede tayong magkita-kita." At un nga. Nagkita-kita kami. Kagulo pa nung una sa sched, kasi ung iba pwede, ung iba hindi pwede. Pero natuloy naman. Yay! MAY LATE NGA LANG. DALAWA SILA -_- Hahahahahaha!


At un nga...daldalan to the max! Ang ingay nila...este namin pala. Pero ang saya-saya talaga nun. Sobra! Hindi ko inexpect na magiging ganun ako kaingay at kasaya lalo pa't first time ko nga silang makakasama. Waaaaa~ *reminiscing* ;)


Here are some pictures from that meet-up :D

                                                                    Me and Ate Nikka

Ate Nikka and Karen

                                                      Karen, Ate Rhoms, Ate Nikka, Abby

                                                     Karen, Ate Rhoms, Me, Ate Nikka, Aj

                                                                Ate Nikka and Bianca

                                                                     Me and Karen

  
                                                                     Me and Abby

                                                  Ate Rhoms, Karen, Bianca, Abby, Ate Nikka

                      Karen, Ate Rhoms (cute ng itsura mo dito. Bayad ko? XD), Ate Nikka, Abby

                                                           Ate Rhoms, Abby, Ate Nikka

                                                 Mga Tambay...este Ate Nikka and Ate Rhoms

                                                 Ate Rhoms, Karen, Me, Abby, Ate Nikka

May kasunod pa yang bonding moments na yan! Abangan....... ;)

Four Plates

Second entry. Achievement. Yay! :D

About the title. Hmmmm. You read it right. It's about plates. The one which you eat on. LOL! So why on earth is it about plates? I dunno! Joke! Hmmmm. I chose "Four Plates" as the title because first, I want to (Chos!) and second because I miss my Mama, terribly. T__T

Everyday or night, (whatever!), basta! Everytime, after dinner, I always wash the dishes, yup, that's how nice I am (Chos!) nah! Seriously, everynight, after dinner (Malamang! Redundant much?) I always wash the dishes...four plates, four pairs of spoon and fork, and four glasses. Why four? It's not my favorite number. Four, because of my Mama, Papa, younger brother (who looks older than me. Chos!), and me. So there. FOUR! It's been what? One or two months since I've last washed four plates, it's always three now. No! My Mama's not gone, she's just somewhere, in Manila, specifically. She's there because she's taking care of my grandmother (my Papa's mom). My grandmother had an operation, on her spinal cord (i dunno if that's right. Oh well!) SLIP DISC, i think, is the medical term for that. They are currently staying in Manila, until who knows when, maybe until my grandmother recovers. *sigh* I just miss my Mama, the past months hadn't been the same because she's not here. She's always been there for us. Every-fucking-time. This is the longest that she's been away from us. Yes, she comes home, every once in a while, a day or two. But heck! That's not enough. I'm being selfish. I know! But she's my mom and I miss her, so damned much! Everytime I come home from school, she's like "Oh, kumain ka na ba? Kumain ka muna ha?! Magpapalipas ka nanaman ng gutom." sheeesh! I was so looking forward to attend the Baccalaureate Mass (I had to Google the right spelling. LOL!) because I thought that it would be one of those times that I will get the chance to spend with her, SHATTERED DREAMS! She didn't come home the day before the mass, she promised to come but she didn't because my grandmother needed her. T__T So my Papa came with me instead. When she didn't came home, I had this fear that what if she didn't come on the day of my Graduation? What the hell would I do? Ofcourse I also want to share that day with my Papa, but I am closer to my mom soooo. We (me and my mom) planned everything together. From the clothes I would wear, accessories to pair up with the clothes, what time we should leave the house, what should my make-up be. Tch! She came, the night before my graduation. Soooo tired to even have a little chat with me, with us. Pero kahit na! I was so happy to see her, and hug her again. At least she came. Bumawi naman siya. Hehehehe. We spent the whole day together after the graduation ceremonies. We ate out, just the two of us. I was so happy. But the happiness I felt was cut short, because the next day, when I woke up, she was already gone. She went back to Manila, and I didn't even had the chance to hug her, kiss her, and tell her to be safe, always. T__T

I waited for two weeks, I guess, before I had the chance to see her again. And when I saw her, I never left her side as much as I can. I always talk to her, and update her stuffs about what I was doing, my plans. Aahh! Every minute I spend with her, is a treasured moment. And right now, since I already am a graduate, I'm considering of looking for a job in Manila, mainly because I want to be with her, since she can't go home yet. Oh well, this post is just....Gahd! Must stop now! Nagbabanta na ang aking tears. :3

I miss you 'Ma! And I miss washing FOUR PLATES. See you soon! I love you, so much! (Kahit hindi halata. LOL!) <3

Memorable Event

This is my very first blog post. EVER! So pardon everything that you will read 'kay? :3 So let's start.

The title "Memorable Event" is about PHR's Grand Fans Day. An event where the writers, and their readers will have the chance to meet each other for the very first time (maybe, like me), take pictures with each other, and the readers will get the chance to have their most precious pocketbooks signed by their favorite writers.

WEEKS. Yes! Weeks, not days. LOL! Weeks before the said event, i was already preparing myself for the "precious moment" (LOL! Corny). I was talking nonstop to my friends/classmates and family about this, because i was so freaking excited to see my favorite writers. :D

Fastforward! A day before the event, I became soooo nervous, because my friend --a fellow PB fan who already said "yes," that she will come along with me-- backed out at the last minute. I was so pissed at her to the point that I almost cried that time. Shattered dreams (LOL! Got this term from a very dear friend) na sana. I was already considering the thought of backing out, mainly because i don't know how to get there (SM North Edsa) errrr, most of the time kasi, directionally challenged ako. Isa pang malaking challenge ay wala akong kasama. Takot talaga akong bumiyahe mag-isa, lalo na at first time kong makakapunta sa lugar na un. In short, takot akong mawala. Hahahaha! Pero kahit na takot ako, since most of the people I've talked to gave me different instructions on how to get there, I decided to go na, kahit mag-isa lang ako. Tsaka I already made a commitment to some people, and promised them "little somethings." Sabi ni brain "Bahala na! Mag-load ka nalang. Para pag nawala ka, maitetext mo sila." (LOL! Addict much?) Then, a fellow SMP Member, let's hide her identity by the name Charlene (chos! hahahaha) confirmed that she will come with me, so we texted the night before to set everything (the meeting place, time, etc). Then I slept. Harrr! I thought that I wouldn't be able to sleep since I was so excited, but hey, I slept! Yay! :D

May 18, 2013. This is it! The much awaited event. LOL! Woke up early to get ready and to not be late at the meeting place Charlene and I talked about. Got ready. Made sure I didn't forget anything, then waited for Cha's text message. Went to Turbina (meeting place) earlier than planned (LOL! That was how excited I was) then waited for Cha. When she arrived, we talked for a few minutes finalizing what route we will take. After that, we waited for a bus --that will take us directly to SM North-- and lucky us, ang tagal lang dumating nung bus. As in! Tsk! Naabutan pa kami ni Princess a.k.a Cady Lorenzana sa Turbina dahil sa pag-aantay namin sa lintek na bus (LOL!). Nakapag-kwento na si Princess at lahat, wala paring dumadaang bus -_- Badtrips! Hahahaha! After ten tawsan years, lo and behold, a bus came, swerte naman dahil un ung bus na hinahanap namin na dapat talaga naming sakyan, tsaka another swerte dahil may mauupuan kami. LOL! The three of us chatted non-stop while we were on the bus. Kaya hindi boring ang biyahe. :D

Arrival (oha! Parang airport lang. Chos!). I forgot what time we arrived exactly at SM North, but it's safe to say that we got there before lunch. We went straight to the powder room, to do some retouching. After that, we went to Going Straight. When we entered Going Straight, the person I first saw was my soulmate (yiiieee. Kala niyo kung sino no? Read on. LOL), a bully (chos!), a very dear friend whom I just met online, and she's none other than Karen a.k.a Nikki Karenina (grabeng build up un, soulmate ha?! Bayad ko! LOL! Please don't hate me after this. Hahahaha!). Eeeeee! Grabe! Na-starstruck ako! Chooos! Hahahaha! Then I saw Honeyleth a.k.a Holly Laine, na naka-interact ko one time sa Twitter, at dahil sa sobrang kadaldalan ko, hayun na-tweet limit ako. LOL! Ayown, back to Going Straight. Chika-chika ng slight. Went to Precious Pages with Karen and Princess to check out Camp Speed (bili na po kayo!), tapos may nagpapirma sa kanila. Yay! I can't help but smile nung nakita kong may mga fans na nag-approach sa kanila para magpapirma, at magpapicture. I was so damned proud! :) After that, we went back to Going Straight. Hihihihi.

Went out for a while, kasi andun daw si brad Ilaz (Liza), then ayun, chika-chika din kami. Kulitan. Then we accompanied Zarah to buy PBs. Then we waited for CJ (na pagdating akala ko talaga mowdel ng shampoo sa ganda ng buhok. LOL!), tsaka inantay din namin ung ibang Jewels, nakalimutan ko nalang ung pagkakasunod-sunod ng pagdating nila, peroooo si Ynah (mare!), si ate Hazel (na hindi ko na-hug T_T), si Ella-babes (mareeee! Paynali!), President Dyonalin (may utang ka sakin. LOL!), ate Lenie (kaway-kaway!), sis Sarah Lee / Cat Lee (super hyper nung GFD!), mareng Jocelyn (na hindi ko nakilala pero nasa tabi ko na pala siya. Epik peyl! XD), si ATE Joy Agatep (lagot ako dahil tinawag ko siyang ate) na nanlibre ng dinner! Manuhay ka! ;) Sorry kung may nakalimutan akong banggitin. T__T Butas si breyn! Paki-paalala nalang sakin, gagawan ko ng blog ung nakalimutan ko. Chooos! XD Humiwalay din ako sa kanila kasi I had to eat lunch. :)

Yown! LUNCH! I had to register first, to get some freebies, and to have a seat dun sa malapit sa stage. Dahil mabait si Charlene at si Honeyleth, sinamahan nila akong mag-register. Yiiieee! XD After nun, we went to McDo, ordered food, take out nalang para hindi diyahe, wala na din kasing maupuan dun sa may McDo. At ayun, speaking of McDo, isa pang epik peyl na moment sa GFD, hindi ko nakilala si Justin Law! Deym my memory! Pero siya nakilala ako. T_T NAKAKAHIYA! Kanina ko lang nalaman na kasama ko pala siya dun sa pag-order namin sa McDo. Hindi kasi nagpakilala eh. Huhuhuhu! Then un, after naming mag-take-out, hanap na kami ng upuan. Yay! Thankfully nakakita naman kami ni Charlene ng available seats malapit sa stage. Then un, dun nalang namin kinain ung tinake out namin na foods. Maya-maya, nagtext tong si Irish (hi bebe!), saying that she was already there at sunduin ko daw siya kasi nahihiya daw siyang lumapit. Dahil mabait ako, tinapos muna namin ni Cha ang pagkain tapos tsaka namin siya sinundo. LOL! We went straight to PPC, cause Cha and I decided to buy PBs na. Papasok palang ako sa PPC may sumigaw na, "MAJH!" wagaaas! HAHAHAHAHA! Si ate Nikka ata sumigaw eh, tapos ayun, nakita ko ang Team CS! "OMG! ANG TEAM CS!" LOL! (pasensiya naman, hindi ako maka-move on sa expression na yan). Lumapit ako sa kanila, tapos si Karen na mabait, tinawag si Abby, suskopoooo! Ang ganda ng greeting sakin ni Abby (sino si Abby? Asawa ni Siwon! Chos! Siya talaga si NENENG LATE!), she said: "Hoy, Majh!" sabay tulak sakin, i wasn't prepared, so muntik na akong sumubsob nun kay Karen. Bait ni Abby diba? LOL! Saglit lang kami nagkita-kita tapos umalis na din sila. Soooo, ipinagpatuloy namin ni Cha at Irish ang pamimili ng PBs, after nun, we went back to our seats. :)

Eeerr! So what else happened? Ahm, dahil gutom si Irish, dinamayan namin siya ni Cha na kumain, kahit kakakain lang namin. LOL! Akshali ung water lang talaga ung habol ko dun. XD So, kumuha kami ng foods, uupo palang ako nun, to eat the food that I got, when Liza shouted "Majh! Halika dito, ipapakilala kita kay ate Che!" OMFG! Kiber sa food! As in, pinagpalit ko talaga ang food para kay ate Che! LOL! So I ran, as fast as I could, towards her, I was so damned excited to meet my idol! Miss Sonia Francesca herself! Haarrr! Shems! Kumapit talaga ako nun kay Liza, I just had to get strength from her. Then un na! OMFG! Naka-face to face ko si Ate Che, shems lang talaga! Spikless ako nung una, kasi I was so shocked to see her in person. Imagine?! Dati binabasa ko lang ung works niya, tapos ngayon, eto na siya sa harapan ko, SMILING AT ME! Medyo teary-eyed din ako that time, pero pinigilan kong umiyak kasi sabi ni Ate Che, ipapapulish daw niya ako pag umiyak ako. LOL! So un, nung naka-move on ako sa pagkaka-shock, i asked her: "Ate Che, pwede pong pa-hug?" then she smiled, and said: "YES!" Damn! That was the best part of the day really! When I hugged her, and she hugged me back, tight. Hah! I will never forget that moment. Then she teased me, "iiyak na yan! Iiyak na yan!" OMFG! Nakikipag-biruan siya sakin! Sheeeet! Then photo-op! Super happy! I got the chance to have a picture taken with her. Eeeeeeee! Super fangirl moment un! After a little bit of chitchat, bumalik na din ako sa seat ko coz the program will start in a bit.

Program (Programme. Whatever!). Senior writers were introduced one by one, and each of them gave a short speech mostly containing "thank you's". Then the new writers were also introduced, they also gave short speeches. Raffle. Games. They gave out freebies. Raffle. Then they launched CAMP SPEED (Please do get a copy of all 5 books). Yay! Nikki Karenina, Skye Reyes, Nikki del Rosario, Cady Lorenzana, and Marione Ashley went up on stage to promote, and give a short speech about the said series. After that, the Video Teaser was played. Hihihihi! Un naaaa! I think after that pinasimulan na ung pagpapa-sign ng books. Grabe naipit ako ng bongga dun. LOL! But it was a super worth it experience. Sa lahat ng writers na pumirma sa pocketbooks na dala ko, THANK YOU! From the bottom of my cold heart. THANK YOU PO TALAGA NG HARD! All of you made my very first time to attend such event, a memorable one. Sa lahat ng na-meet ko, at mga naka-chikahan, again, THANK YOU! I LOVE YOU ALL! <3

So there. Medyo mahaba pa dapat. Kaya lang tinamad na ako ng bongga. So meeee! LOL! The end! Thank you for wasting your time reading this nonsense blog! XD lalalalalala~ <3