TOO FAST. pause.

Well hello. I was never good at introductions so let's skip that part 'kay? Everything in my life is happening so fast right now. The truth is ayaw ko munang tapusin sana ang pag-aaral ko because I know na kapag natapos na ako, aayusin nalang ang mga necessary documents then I'm gonna go to Dubai na. Everyday is a struggle to convince myself to leave this country, because leaving this country means that I'm gonna be leaving my loved ones. Weeks ago I thought that I've finally convinced myself to leave, well guess what? I thought it wrong. Akala ko nauto ko na sarili ko. Kasi habang palapit na ng palapit ang pagtatapos ko, eh natatakot ako. Masyado akong torn ngayon. I don't wamna leave this country kasi ayaw kong iwan si Tatay, ever since kasi na namatay si Nanay, nag-promise ako sa sarili ko to be the best apo that Tatay deserves, ayaw ko siyang iwan kasi ayaw kong maramdaman niya na nag-iisa siya. Ayaw kong iwan si Papa, kasi Papa's girl ako. Un lang ung rason. Hahahaha! Ayokong iwan ung kapatid ko kasi gusto ko mapupuntahan ko agad siya if ever he needs me. He'll always be my baby brother kahit ma mas matangkad pa siya kaysa sa'kin. Ayoko din iwan ang friends ko. Gahd. Iilan na nga lang sila tapos iiwan ko pa sila?! Especially now na may nangyayaring maganda sa career ng isa kong friend. Nakakaiyak. Hahahaha! Everyday is a struggle to smile, to be happy. Ang pakonswelo ko lang naman sa pagpunta ko doon ay finally makakasama ko na si Mama tsaka ung pamangkin ko. I'll probably find a decent job and help my parents finamcially. Gusto ko un. Gustong-gusto. Pero... Wala pang definite date ang pag-alis ko. Pero alam mo ung pakiramdam na sobrang lapit na? Na isang araw magigising nalang ako na aalis na pala ako. That's how I feel every-friggin-day. Life. I'm just wondering, mayroon kaya doon nung gusto kong coffee? Hahahahaha! Smile, self. Make the most out of your stay here. Be happy while you're here. Spend as much time as possible with your family and friends. I'm gonna miss you.