So today is the fourteenth day of the month. Eh ano naman? Wala naman. Gusto ko lang mag-blog. I just want to blog(?) this feeling. This stupid feeling I get every fourteenth day of the month. No, I'm not heartbroken. It's just that....it's our monthsary, my best friends and I. We used to celebrate this then, every month, fourteenth day of the month to be exact, we find time to see each other and catch up on things. It's sort of a "tradition". But now....I don't know anymore. T__T
I think this "tradition" ended when I left them. That's right. I left. Due to certain issues that only time would maybe heal(?) make us forget...make us cool down. Since then I blamed myself for the loss of our friendship. I tried to bring back the friendship. To patch things up. I thought we were okay. But I guess were not. The friendship's lost and I don't know if I could still bring it back. I admit, I already gave up. I already stopped trying to make an effort to see them. To have communication with them. I'm not saying that this is their fault. It's my fault.
Kasalanan ko ito. I can't help not to blame myself. Kasi feeling ko sakin nagsimula ito. Hindi ko maiwasang hindi isipin na kung hindi ako umalis. Na kung hindi ako lumayo sa kanila...ay buo parin ang pagkakaibigan namin, na walang magbabago, at kung meron man ay konting-konti lang and it will be for the better. Akala ko nung nag-usap-usap na kami ay okay na ang lahat. Pero hindi pala. Iba pala ung sinasabi talaga sa ipinapakita. Actions really speak louder than words. Kasi damang-dama ko na may napaka-kapal at napaka-laking invisible wall sa pagitan namin. Masakit. Sobrang sakit. Ung tipong may pinag-uusapan sila at hindi ka nakaka-relate kasi iba ung school na pinasukan mo sa pinasukan nila...ung tina-try mong sumali sa usapan pero sa huli mananahimik ka nalang kasi kahit anong gawin mo hindi ka makaka-relate. Tapos kapag tahimik ka iisipin nila na hindi mo sila gustong kasama. What the eff?!
Kaya minsan nakakawalang-gana na makipag-kita sa kanila eh. Hindi ko na sila maintindihan. It's like the people I used to know were already gone. *sighs* Kaya ayokong nagfo-fourteenth eh. Ganito ung feeling. Magulo. Masakit. Nakakaiyak. Nakaka-frustrate. Nakakapanghinayang. At marami pang iba. Basta I feel negativity. I want to be numb...kahit ngayon lang please? :|
